I am lost and cannot be found. I finally get near the part of the grieving process over the loss of my Dad where I can be content when I have to start the grieving process all over again for something not related to death but definitely and probably more of a trauma.
This past Wednesday, I did what I have done many times and I went on a date with a guy I met online. I went to his house and saw the inside why he put his shoes on. We then went to dinner at a chain restaurant and everything seemed to be going well. He seemed and sounded normal enough for me to even drive the hour to meet him. During dinner there were no red flags saying that there is something weird with this guy. Then we went to Walmart to get some stuff and were going to head to his place to watch a movie. (I know, going to his place is really stupid, but I had done that before without anything happening.)
So, he puts on the movie and we sit on the couch where we start kissing each other. Then his hands are up my shirt and down my pants. I told him no and he said hold on I have something that you’ll enjoy. He comes back with a vibrator and condom and takes my pants half way off. He starts messing with the vibrator and has me holding it. Then he begins to put on a condom. I asked him why he is putting on a condom because I said there was no way we are having sex. He said let me just mess around on the outside, I said I don’t want to have sex and he continued to do what he was doing. Now at this point my head and neck are in such a position that they are ready to snap so he pulls me further down the couch and continues what he was already up to. I told him I wanted to stop and he said just let him cum so I just froze and let him finish.
He cleaned himself up and after he got up I got up to put my pants back on. He came back in the room and goes no pants and pulls me onto the couch. He says my favorite part cuddling. At this point I am sitting there in his arms with tears quietly sliding down my face. I do not let him know that I am crying. Once I’m in control of myself I am able to get up and go to the bathroom. As I walk away he smacks me on the butt and goes smack that ass. I went to the bathroom and got my soda from the fridge. I again picked up my pants and he stopped me pulling me down.
I said you’re tired and need to be up early for work and I need to drive home so you should go to sleep. He was like you should sleep over. I said no, I have to go home and take my medicine and he needs to go to sleep. At this point I stand up and he hits me in the ass again but lets me put my pants back on. Then, unfortunately, I sat down to put my shoes on and he pulled me in again. I said I need to leave and he was again saying I should spend the night.
I finally convinced him that he should go to bed and that I should leave. So he hugged me and started kissing me again before I left. I said to him, I told you I did not want to do that, that I did not want to have sex. He says to me, you enjoyed it and you let me. The last thing he said was that the next time I was going to sleep over next time. I didn’t even respond and just walked out of his place and got into my car. I got my GPS started and even got lost trying to get back on the highway.
Now as I drive home I am in hysterics and it is relatively “early” in the evening. I call Kimberly, text her, and call her back. I was sobbing the whole ride home. She was lost and I was lost. I called my cousin who knew I was meeting a guy that everything was okay because I didn’t want her to worry about me. I didn’t want anyone to worry about me or know. I was thinking to myself, I don’t even want Mom to know. I know that in the end I should have went straight to the hospital and not showered but I was so set on going home, showering, and passing out, that is what I did.
Matt called me the next morning and told me I have to report him to the police. I broke down and called Mom and asked her to come home ASAP. She went to her Principal Brian and said she had an emergency and had to go home. She told him that she did not know what she was going home to. Brian asked her if I had called her and she said yes. Within minutes I have a text from Brian asking if I’m okay and I say I just need Mom at that point and time. Mom was home immediately afterwards. I told her what happened and she started making all the calls. I kept getting told I had to go back to PA to report the rape but I insisted that there was no way I was going back there. So, the lady I was talking to had a cop call me.
At this point I had sent Mom back to work because she was freaking me out just sitting there and staring. By the time she got home, the officer had called, and I was still calm. Brian had sent Mom home with information and I followed up on what he sent. Then I ended up going to Robert Wood John to have a rape kit done. I was at the hospital for 6 hours and had a forensic nurse come and do a forensic rape kit even though there was nothing to be found. So Mom and I went home to have dinner, have something to drink, and go to bed. I knew I was going to have a last minute psychiatrist appointment in the morning.
There is so much more to this story but this is all I can type at the moment.